Wow, has it been awhile or what? At least 6 times a day I think of something I’d like to write about. And then, about 3 times a day I do just that. But these days I rarely have the guts to post it.
So, it sits in my notes, a thought examined, an experience recorded. For the most part, I’m OK with that.
But the other day I listened to a conversation between Oprah and Sarah Ban Breathnach (it sounds much fancier to say “conversation” than “Podcast”) where Sarah, who is the author of a book called Simple Abundance (which was a mainstay in my parent’s home growing up) discusses how after the success of that book, she got super rich, didn’t manage her money well, and lost everything.
Recently she wrote a book, from her sister’s kitchen table, with one suitcase to her name, about all that transpired.
She said that she had written Simple Abundance (which, ironically is about finding abundance and practicing gratitude in any, even the most lean circumstances) to help other women, but then as her life began to fall apart she asked herself,
“Who am I to be giving other women advice when I’m failing so hard?”
But this time, with this new book, she wasn’t concerned with any of that.
This time, she was “writing to save her own life.” She needed to write, she needed to work through how she could have allowed herself to lose everything, most critically her sense of self and inherent value.
I hope I don’t disappoint when I reveal that my life isn’t falling apart, at least that I know of. Still, I found myself wondering the same things about giving advice when I don’t have it all figured out, and, what I would write about if I were “writing to save my own life.”
What do I know, but really need myself to get in order to live the truest, most peaceful, life I possibly can?
What truths have I learned and forgotten that I need to find again?
What do I know, truly know, that I need to find words for in order to preserve my knowing?
I don’t have answers to these in writing… yet.
I have stopped posting on my blog because at times it’s hard to reconcile the giving away of a part of my heart in every piece, with the disposable nature of social media and really, the internet at large. IT’S ALL SO BUSY AND CHURNING AND BURNING EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME if you hadn’t noticed.
What I would love though, is to know your answers to these questions. You–my Reader who miraculously (for me) found this post even though the Facebook algorithm tells your feed not to show you stuff from me because I never post anything and therefore I’m dead to you, Reader–I want to hear what you think, or what you would write for your life.
Because that, learning from you, would, and has, made exposing these tender thoughts worthwhile.
David Letterman, speaking to Rick Rubin about his interview with Jay-Z said, “Jay-Z says that excellence is high quality output for 10, 20, 30 years. Do you agree with that?” Rick said yes.
That’s been stuck in my brain along with “writing to save my own life”. I want only high quality output coming from me for the next 30 years, and because of that, hardly anything makes the cut. I think I’ll start re-thinking how I define “high quality” and start coming here more.
So if you see a few more typos and a bit less depth at times, that’s why. But since relationships are the most important thing life has to offer, I’ll measure my quality instead by the depth of connection I can make with you, my dear reader who is still here after the posts have all but dried up.